If you’re here, it’s likely because you didn’t get some (or any) of the Sporcle Dad jokes. Well here is a guide to just what the heck was going on in that tiny little dad brain when it comes to television. If you haven’t yet played the “Sporcle Dad Talks Television” quiz, head over to Sporcle first to see how you do.

Sports
Do you watch Under the Dome?
Yes, but it’s just better on the frozen tundra.

Under the Dome, a CBS television series based on the Stephen King novel of the same name

Until very recently, the JV teams in Minneapolis and Detroit played in the cozy confines of domes. The men of the Green Bay Packers have always played on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, site of the 1967 Ice Bowl one of the greatest events in the history of sports.

Geography
Do you watch Austin City Limits?
No, I prefer metropolitan areas myself.

Recorded live within the city limits of Austin, Texas, the award-winning PBS series Austin City Limits is the longest running music program in American television history.

Per Wikipedia: “A metropolitan area, sometimes referred to as a metro area or just metro, is a region consisting of a densely populated urban core and its less-populated surrounding territories, sharing industry, infrastructure, and housing.” In other words, the area within the city limits and beyond. An important distinction as geography Sporclers know.

Music
Do you watch The Sopranos?
No, but I listen to The Three Tenors.

HBO‘s brilliant show The Sopranos was about a New Jersey mob family named “Soprano” not about the female vocal range.

The Three Tenors, opera giants Plácido Domingo, José Carreras, and Luciano Pavarotti, united to perform concerts and record albums, including the best selling classical album of all time. They, of course, sang tenor, not soprano.

Movies
Do you watch One Tree Hill?
No, is that a deforestation documentary?

The WB/CW drama One Tree Hill

A hill with just one tree may well be the site of deforestation. There are several good documentaries about deforestation including The Fight for Amazonia.

Television
Do you watch I’ve Got a Secret?
No, they won’t tell me what channel it’s on.

Celebrity panel game show I’ve Got a Secret aired on CBS from 1952 – 1967. Only Sporcle Dad was unable to uncover the secret of which channel.

Just for Fun
Do you watch As the World Turns?
Turns? You know it’s flat, right?

The soap opera As the World Turns aired on CBS for 54 years.

The earth has been known to be round since long before Columbus sailed. Even so, some people today believe the earth is flat and fixed in place while the universe revolves around it. Scientists cope with these people by marking their maps, “Here there be morons.”

Miscellaneous
Do you watch Branded?
No, that’s just so they can charge more. I’ll stick to my Toughskins.

In the 1960s NBC television western Branded, Chuck Connors plays a U.S. cavalry captain who is (figuratively) branded a coward. Over the course of the show, he regains his honor.

Per Wikipedia: “A brand is defined as a toolbox of marketing and communication methods that help to distinguish a company from competitors and create a lasting impression in the minds of customers.” With careful marketing, a brand can be in great demand. An example from the 1980s was highly popular Jordache jeans which were really no better than the much cheaper Toughskins jeans from Sears. (See, Mom? Toughskins don’t even get a good Wikipedia page.)

History
Do you watch CPO Sharkey?
No. Didn’t he sail with Admiral Farragut and Ensign O’Toole?

Don Rickles played U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer Otto Sharkey, the irascible title character in the 1970s NBC sitcom.

Admiral David Farragut was the first full admiral in the U.S. Navy. He is most famous for his victory at the Civil War Battle of Mobile Bay where he gave an order commonly paraphrased as, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.”

Ensign O’Toole was a 1960s NBC sitcom that took place aboard a U.S. Navy destroyer. It stared Dean Jones who went on to star in several Disney films including The Love Bug. They are best known for their acting, but Rickles and Jones both served in the Navy, Rickles in World War II and Jones in Korea.

Literature
Do you watch Big Brother?
No, I thought he was supposed to be watching me.

In the reality show Big Brother, contestants are locked in a house where they are continuously monitored by cameras. Over the course of the show, contestants are voted out until only the winner remains.

The Big Brother reference in the reality show and countless other places comes from George Orwell‘s dystopian novel 1984. Whether true leader or symbolic figure, Big Brother represented the totalitarian government, especially its surveillance of citizens.

Language
Do you watch COPS?
No. Is that an anagram for something?

COPS is a reality show on Fox where camera operators accompany law enforcement officers on their rounds.

“COPS” is an anagram of “Spoc,” a Vulcan too hip for the “K.” An anagram rearranges the letters of a word or phrase to create a different word or phrase. “COPS” could also be an acronym, a word formed from the first letters or syllables of the words in a phrase.

Science
Do you watch Leverage?
No, but if you give me a place to stand in front of a TV I’ll try it.

Leverage was a drama on TNT in which a band of good-hearted criminals helped regular people fight back against the rich and powerful.

A lever is one of the six simple machines. A rod pivoting on a fulcrum, a lever translates a small amount of force on the long end of the rod to a large amount of force on the short end. In the 3rd century BCE, Greek scientist Archimedes wrote of the lever, “Give me a place to stand, and I shall move the earth with it.”

Gaming
Do you watch The Electric Company?
Yes. It makes me so sentimental I turn on the Water Works.

The Electric Company was a children’s educational program on PBS in the 1970s. It is beloved by its fans and widely considered to be one of the finest children’s programs ever.

Electric Company and Water Works are the two utility properties in Monopoly. “Water works” is an expression meaning crying, especially dramatic crying.

Entertainment
Do you watch The Secrets of Isis?
No, isn’t that what the CIA is for?

The Secrets of Isis aired on CBS in the 1970s. It was the first television show featuring a female superhero, predating both The Bionic Woman and Wonder Woman.

The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, ISIS or ISIL, is a jihadist militia currently bringing chaos and terror to the Middle East and beyond.

Religion
Do you watch 7th Heaven?
No, I just need the one, thanks.

7th Heaven was a family drama on The WB and later The CW.

Who needs more than one heaven? And what happened to the first six if you’re on your 7th? The idea of seven heavens is found in some Indian religions and many of the Abrahamic religions. The idea stems from Mesopotamia and that culture’s belief in the mystical power of the number 7.

Holiday
Do you watch The Flying Nun?
Is that the one that got away at the Macy’s parade?

The Flying Nun was a 1960s ABC sitcom starring Sally Field.

A popular feature of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is the collection of large balloons in the shape of characters from popular culture. The balloons float down the parade route, each controlled by a team of 90 handlers. There has never been a nun balloon. The balloons also do not actually fly, but several have made a run for it, primarily due to high winds or heavy rain. In over 80 years, only one parade-goer has been seriously injured by a balloon. The balloons have not been so lucky with tears leading to deflation and even ripped off limbs. Trees and lampposts are the usual culprits.