If you’re here, it’s likely because you didn’t get some (or any) of the Sporcle Dad jokes. Well here is a guide to just what the heck was going on in that tiny little dad brain when it comes to television. If you haven’t yet played the “Sporcle Dad Talks Television” quiz, head over to Sporcle first to see how you do.
Do you watch Under the Dome?
Yes, but it’s just better on the frozen tundra.
Until very recently, the JV teams in Minneapolis and Detroit played in the cozy confines of domes. The men of the Green Bay Packers have always played on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, site of the 1967 Ice Bowl one of the greatest events in the history of sports.
Do you watch Austin City Limits?
No, I prefer metropolitan areas myself.
Per Wikipedia: “A metropolitan area, sometimes referred to as a metro area or just metro, is a region consisting of a densely populated urban core and its less-populated surrounding territories, sharing industry, infrastructure, and housing.” In other words, the area within the city limits and beyond. An important distinction as geography Sporclers know.
Do you watch The Sopranos?
No, but I listen to The Three Tenors.
The Three Tenors, opera giants Plácido Domingo, José Carreras, and Luciano Pavarotti, united to perform concerts and record albums, including the best selling classical album of all time. They, of course, sang tenor, not soprano.
Do you watch One Tree Hill?
No, is that a deforestation documentary?
Do you watch I’ve Got a Secret?
No, they won’t tell me what channel it’s on.
Just for Fun
Do you watch As the World Turns?
Turns? You know it’s flat, right?
The earth has been known to be round since long before Columbus sailed. Even so, some people today believe the earth is flat and fixed in place while the universe revolves around it. Scientists cope with these people by marking their maps, “Here there be morons.”
Do you watch Branded?
No, that’s just so they can charge more. I’ll stick to my Toughskins.
Per Wikipedia: “A brand is defined as a toolbox of marketing and communication methods that help to distinguish a company from competitors and create a lasting impression in the minds of customers.” With careful marketing, a brand can be in great demand. An example from the 1980s was highly popular Jordache jeans which were really no better than the much cheaper Toughskins jeans from Sears. (See, Mom? Toughskins don’t even get a good Wikipedia page.)
Do you watch CPO Sharkey?
No. Didn’t he sail with Admiral Farragut and Ensign O’Toole?
Admiral David Farragut was the first full admiral in the U.S. Navy. He is most famous for his victory at the Civil War Battle of Mobile Bay where he gave an order commonly paraphrased as, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.”
Ensign O’Toole was a 1960s NBC sitcom that took place aboard a U.S. Navy destroyer. It stared Dean Jones who went on to star in several Disney films including The Love Bug. They are best known for their acting, but Rickles and Jones both served in the Navy, Rickles in World War II and Jones in Korea.
Do you watch Big Brother?
No, I thought he was supposed to be watching me.
In the reality show Big Brother, contestants are locked in a house where they are continuously monitored by cameras. Over the course of the show, contestants are voted out until only the winner remains.
The Big Brother reference in the reality show and countless other places comes from George Orwell‘s dystopian novel 1984. Whether true leader or symbolic figure, Big Brother represented the totalitarian government, especially its surveillance of citizens.
Do you watch COPS?
No. Is that an anagram for something?
“COPS” is an anagram of “Spoc,” a Vulcan too hip for the “K.” An anagram rearranges the letters of a word or phrase to create a different word or phrase. “COPS” could also be an acronym, a word formed from the first letters or syllables of the words in a phrase.
Do you watch Leverage?
No, but if you give me a place to stand in front of a TV I’ll try it.
A lever is one of the six simple machines. A rod pivoting on a fulcrum, a lever translates a small amount of force on the long end of the rod to a large amount of force on the short end. In the 3rd century BCE, Greek scientist Archimedes wrote of the lever, “Give me a place to stand, and I shall move the earth with it.”
Do you watch The Electric Company?
Yes. It makes me so sentimental I turn on the Water Works.
Electric Company and Water Works are the two utility properties in Monopoly. “Water works” is an expression meaning crying, especially dramatic crying.
Do you watch The Secrets of Isis?
No, isn’t that what the CIA is for?
The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, ISIS or ISIL, is a jihadist militia currently bringing chaos and terror to the Middle East and beyond.
Do you watch 7th Heaven?
No, I just need the one, thanks.
Who needs more than one heaven? And what happened to the first six if you’re on your 7th? The idea of seven heavens is found in some Indian religions and many of the Abrahamic religions. The idea stems from Mesopotamia and that culture’s belief in the mystical power of the number 7.
Do you watch The Flying Nun?
Is that the one that got away at the Macy’s parade?
A popular feature of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is the collection of large balloons in the shape of characters from popular culture. The balloons float down the parade route, each controlled by a team of 90 handlers. There has never been a nun balloon. The balloons also do not actually fly, but several have made a run for it, primarily due to high winds or heavy rain. In over 80 years, only one parade-goer has been seriously injured by a balloon. The balloons have not been so lucky with tears leading to deflation and even ripped off limbs. Trees and lampposts are the usual culprits.